I love London, but I hate my part of town. My particular bit is run down and not very appealing, but is made all the worse by the overwhelming proportion of hard right evangelical Christians of the "God Wants You To Be Rich" flavour.

I've got just about enough Britishness in me to have two stereotypical British traits. Firstly, I honour HM Elizabeth II. Secondly, I don't like public services being tinged with religion.

Being made to feel "ungodly" in front of a professional working (albeit indirectly) for the government who has been charged with ensuring my medical wellbeing. The United Kingdom is not officially a secular country, but our culture is decidedly secular, and for good reason.

We spent a century letting slaughter and persecution run rampant across these islands whilst we fought over religion. At the end of it, our country was so screwed up by it, we wound up inviting in a foreign monarch. And what did we learn? Eventually, centuries later, the one good quote to ever come from Campbell, referring to the parliamentary government of "Wannabe President" Blair. "WE DON'T DO GOD". And neither should it's workers, be they directly employed MP's, or those indirectly working for it, such as GPs.

So, will the NHS finally stop hiring medical professionals who are only too willing to let the words of their "charismatic pastors" get regurgitated over their patients whose gender role and identity was left out of a particular secondary translation of a theological text that is of no interest to the patient, and does very little to address the real issue of the pain in my foot. I'm not here to be "cured" of "un-natural behaviour", which I find both insulting and VERY intimidating. I'm here so to get my foot treated, not get bullied into playing football and going our drinkin' at the pub with REAL MEN (grrrr!) our puttin' on me BLING and gettin' wasted wiv the gurls (screechy screechy laughy laughy).

If I let my religious beliefs rule my work the same way some guys round here do, I'd have "EPIC FAIL" written in big red letters across every paper that I ever created. And I think that'd be fair comment. A shame, then, that the same standards aren't applied to areas of work where religious sentiments could potentially be far, far more dangerous... "THE LAWDH TOLD ME TO CURE YOUR GIRLYBOYNESS...I AM AN INSTRUMENT OF THE LAWDH" hmmmmmm.

PS: Not a rant against Christians. The many millions of them who hold to that religions highest and most admirable ethics have my genuine respect, as someone who seeks to embody the most admirable traits of their own faith. And we all have our lunatics too.

To all my friends, I'm sorry I've been very bad with keeping in touch. Several things have all been happening at once. First, I've had to swap modules on my course, meaning I'm doing an insanely quick forced-march Ancient Near Eastern & Aegean history module... for which I have next to zero background knowledge, nor any books in my library to refer too. The entirety of my ANE&A collection consists of 1 book on Mesopotamian politics, and copies of Odyssey, Iliad and Herodotus' Histories, and I'm pretty sure the last three don't count. As such, I've been playing catch up. The good news is I can talk about Sumerian economics and trade, and sound like I actually know what the hell I'm on about. Oh, and bitumen was used to fix temple inlays in southern Mesopotamia.

Also, it turns out that during my laptop being stolen, my photos of Egypt were not on USB as I'd hoped, so I need to dig up the old back up partition of my desktop at some point, which is a long winded job.

And I've been volunteering on archaeological sample processing at uni, from a Roman dig that was going on earlier in the year. So all interesting, but none of it leaves much time, especially as the last few weeks I've been agonising of essays that seem to going nowhere. I've got to hand one in by the end of the month and I just can't get a feel for the subject. It's over the word limit and I don't think it's making any decent arguments at all. I've written 8 pages of total fucking waffle....

Also I've been trying to think of where to go with my Encyclopaedia Aegyptiaca project. I'm happy to work on it myself to get it off the ground, but once it's started I'd like involvement from the EG-Recon / Revival community on it (or even plain old Egyptological input, since it's mean to be academically rooted anyway). If it comes, great. If not... I don't know.

Can't settle right now, seem to be running but not moving, yet at the same time have no time.

I hate UCAS, I hate UCAS so very, very much.... I hate the retarded online only application system.... I hate the 30 minute timeout... I hate the insane 15th October deadline for applying for a place next frakkin year... I hate utterly retarded idea of having a UCAS-like system in the first place. Is it so utterly impossible for a uni to sort out it's own admissions system? Do other countries do this, or is it just a British thing?

I'd hate UCAS and it's online only admissions thingy had my laptop (2nd one this year) NOT been stolen by some chav whilst I was having a drink. Really, in the dear old "East End" one expects such things, but this was in a "respectable" part of town. So bye bye to my admittedly not very nice MSI Wind, and hello to a spanking sparkly 2nd hand ex-college IBM. I like the IBM. I like it very much. X series (not the X200 mentioned below, sadly!) which means is as light and portable as a netbook, only marginally bigger, but with a 12" 1024x768 display, and metal construction. Rock solid... Which would be fine, if it wasn't for the it's decided lack of work on it.

After my first laptop was stolen, I backed up everything onto a USB stick... which was in the bag sitting right by my chair when it was stolen....oh....

And to apply to Oxbridge, I need to submit samples of said work....Oh....

*headdesk*

My current fine institution has copies of said work, which I have FINALLY, after weeks of delay managed to obtain. Correcting OCR programs has never been so.... time consuming?

Such is life... And now said fine institution has also cancelled all but 4 classes this year, 2 of which I have already taken...

"Can I do the other as an intercollegiate module from [another fine institution]?"

"uhhhhhh.... dunno... we'll fine out... don't think so..."

"Yeah well, no rush or anything. Class only starts next week" (this was three weeks ago)

Still no answer... So if this class can be fixed, I'm probabaly going to get lower grades, having not had a copy of the reading list and being at least one class behind right from the word go. AND THAT IS THE UNIS FAULT, NOT MINE, BUT IT WILL BE ME WHO IS PENALISED FOR IT, BY THE UNI!

*headdesk*

Random thought - I wish my name was spelt conventionally... It'd make phone conversations with beureaucrats so much easier... I also wish that neutral titles were available to people who don't have Phd's or priestly jobs... "Is that Mr, Mrs or Ms?".... Oh....shit.... It should be like Canadian elections... "None of the above"
 ;P

I'm back to uni soon and won't Atari stuff, and don't have the space any more either, for the bits I have left, so hopefully some of this can become someone else's pride and joy ...

Czuba Tech CT63 accelerator
Only been used for testing, and worked fine before being removed from my 030. Hardly ever used, and never used with the original case closed so not been over heated at all, nor overclocked by me. CPU is a Rev. 7 68060 clocked at 95Mhz. Comes with 128mb low profile RAM module. Located in London. £280
Collection possible, standard UK small packet/parcel shipping for free. Otherwise, cost of shipping added to total.

Falcon 030, sans PSU
Falcon 030 with 4mb RAM and 6.5gb IBM TravelStar 2.5 IDE drive. Original casing, with two small holes for CT-63 DC power connector and switching. Otherwise, case has been fully cleaned and tidied. The system includes Atari 2 button mouse, original 1.44mb drive, and Falcon video out to VGA adapter, but does not have a standard Falcon PSU. Prior to removal of CT-63 did however run fine. Located in London. £135
Collection possible, otherwise cost of shipping added to total.

Bundle
Falcon and the CT-63 (not installed) for £380 plus shipping or collection (London).

Misc Bits
Control board from Atari Megafile 30. Worked when last used, but just stored on a shelf since. (Location - London)
Load of 3.5" disks, some blank, some with various apps and utils. Some HD formatted. Est. ~2.5kg to ship (Location - London)
Huge run of ST Applications magazine, almost complete run. HEAVY AND BULKY. (Location - Isle of Wight)
Free for collection. Otherwise cost of shipping

If you have any questions, please leave a comment or Email me (nebpehtira AT gmail DOT com).

Why is it the less you do in a day, the more tired you feel? All I've done is load stuff in the washing machine and the dryi thing, and install a fresh copy of Windows XP on a PC. Why that makes me feel like I've yomped across the Sahara I have no idea.... *yawn*

10 days to I'll fly. Really looking forward to it, I haven't been in Egypt  for over a year! The touts, the con merchants, the corrupt policemen, the Kalashnikov toting under-fed teenage "guards",  the summer heat, the tap water that tastes like swimming pool, the utter lack of any decent Nonya food joints.... But then there's the temples, the museums, the sculpture, the literature, the art, the culture, the scenery, a past so full of sucess it's surpassed only by the lack of it now....

"Your welcome to Egypt!"

Yep, and so are you... Leave me everything up to the end of the Dynastic period, you can have the rest :P

I finally got back my last un-moderated grades yesterday for the last of my essays from last year. I really have mixed feelings about it. The results are solid, low 70's and high 60's percentage wise, which is entirely respectable. But I really should be able to do better than that. I want/need more straight distinctions from this course, not a mix. I can do it. I'm dedicated, articulate, and I do know my subject. I can get straight 70+ grades consistently and reliably if I fully apply myself to it and stop procrastinating when it comes to sitting down and writing something.

I spoke to my mother about it last night, and she feels the grades are good given that others on my course already have grad or postgrad experience, whereas this is the first time I've ever had to write academically on a humanities subject. That's true, but the world isn't  about egalitarianism. No one will (or should) cut me any slack because I come from a "disadvantaged" background. For me to get in to the IoA, my work needs to stand out and be of greater merit, which means that next year, I need to work more consistently,  with less procrastination and more forethought.


Reminders to self

1. Get list of essay options at beginning of year. Choose AND STICK TO THEM. Resist all urges to go "hey, that looks easier/fun/interesting, I'll do that one instead and junk all this reading I've just done"

2. Don't wait for the lectures... It'll all wind up in an end of term rush or trying to dash off some shite excuse for work in the last week, and missing some insultingly obvious point. "Good essay, but you could have mentioned pyramids are pointy" 

3.  Always proof-read... Your English is never as good as you think it is. "A good try, and nicely illustrated points, but WTF were you talking about?"

4. You might not care if it's late, but you aren't doing it for yourself. Stop being lazy and do some damn work.

 5. You know you can do better. Settling for less is selling those you serve short.

So yesterday I finally made good on my promise. When I moved into this flat, the study room had an east facing window, which I felt would be the perfect place to erect a proper shrine to Ra, Ahmose I, and the Royal Ancestors. However, before I could get hold of a suitable able and cloth I would make a temporary set up, which I did.  Well that was some time ago, and though I've had the table standing around for some weeks now I finally put everything together and made up the shrine, and I must say I'm feeling all rather piously good about it :P

In my defence for the delay, I've been out of town for two weeks trying to sort out splitting some property into flats, and to my credit I did get ti all finished and arranged before going out to enjoy the uncharaterisitcaly sunny British bank holiday. How often do you get to lie in Gordon Square in nothing but thin linen, soaking up a perfect sun, not a cloud in sight, and cold drink in hand? For a few days, it was like the Mediterranean. Perfect! :-)

Let it last all summer!

So, Tara asked me to stay at home yesterday and today because of the stupid anarchist-kiddies eb1l terrorists failing at smashing up a branch of RBS in the city. Now, I'm not an anarchist by any strentch of the imagination, but having worked for those bastards as a telephone monkey, I know exactly how satsifying it must be too put designer footwear, or even a lump of metal, through their plate glass windows.

That aside, this riot is full of fail. Kiddies, if you want to see how it's really done, go to Jakarta. That is what  protest really means. Not pretty. Not fun. It does bring change however, but ask yourself carefully if that's the road you really want to go down, because I can assure you it is not a pretty sight.

Now, when the drama-queenish ego-fest is over, can I have my city back, please? I really need to take some library books back, and your protest is in the way.

 

For a long time I've avoided getting involved in the community side of Egyptian recon religion. It's not because I don't like people, but more due to the fact that the recon groups are split between rival factions (aka Temples) that can't agree on very much. Two things stand out in particular as sore points, along with lots of smaller issues.

1. The nature of the gods. Polytheistic or Monolatic.

2. The role of the Pharaoh in a modern context.

However, some sensible debate seems finally to have been on offer, and given the fragmentation of the religion I think it's finally time to actually say something, even if most people won't agree.

On the first point it seems opinion is actually fairly even. Although the main recon temple, the House of Netjer, espouses a view of monolatry, and a lot of other temples that were formed by former adherents who left espouse the same, a lot of independents don't. I personally don't think the historical evidence supports the monolatic view. If we look at Egyptian literature it is fairly clear that we are examining the texts of a polytheistic tradition with some kathenotheistic tendencies (acceptance of multiple gods, and worship of multiple gods, on a "one god at a time" basis). It's quite common, for example, in temples for the Pharaoh to only offer to one god in one scene, whilst the temple will have many such scenes with many different gods. Hymns and prayers are mostly to one specific god, whilst often mentioning others.

The use of phrases such as "God abhors it" or "The god abhors it" are widely viewed in modern academic opinion to simply mean "The god of your choice" or "The god of your town", since most Egyptian towns were associated with a particular local god. The confusion is mostly the problem with 19th century scholars being both unfamiliar with Egyptian language and religious ideas, and also viewing the ancient world though a Judeo-Christian "filter". It should also be remembered that much early work in Egyptology by scholars from the English speaking world (and elsewhere to a greater or lesser degree) was made possible only be obtaining funds from religious bodies and pious individuals, and so there was a lot pressure to produce results of research that accommodated their beliefs and expectations.

Whilst these differences are significant, it should not divert from the fact that all Egyptian (aka Kemetic) recons follow the same basic religion, and really the whole community would benefit if we stopped being so tribal and started thinking of ourselves as one religion rather than a myriad of miniscule ones, which is really where the second point comes in... Do we need / should we have a Pharaoh/Niust/Whoever?

Many arguments both for an against the role of a Pharaoh in Egyptian religion in modern day is based on spirituality. There are good arguments for and against, including the rather good idea of invoking the names of the Royal ancestors, which some of us do anyway :-)

The issue for me is also social and practical. Quite frankly, our religious community is a mess. Too many factions, too few resources, too few people, with each temple in effect existing as it's own miniature religion. It's the First Intermediate Period all over again, only in diaspora and fewer pointy things to fire/throw/stab at each other. We need temples, yes. More than that, we need an organisation, effectively a "state", that is above the politics of a single temple to unite and co-ordinate all our efforts, to act as an umbrella group in the way the Hellenes have with the YSEE ( http://www.ysee.gr/index-eng.php ).

It's a practical solution to make our society more co-operative, more united and better able to achieve it's aims. More ever, I do see a religious dimension in this. We are the "Cattle of Ra", the earth is the "Estate" of the gods, and the temples their Mansions. Our relationship with the gods is two way. Nice food, lush fields, beautiful seas, river and lakes and really neat things like flight and electromagnetism is for a reason. It's there for us to work with, to maintain ma'at. There is an order of things that has to be kept, and when we look at the literature it's not what we are doing now. We have made great progress in re-establishing the necessary rituals, in making the foundations for temple institutions, but we have not created an effective or unified community, a "land" if you will. Individual temples have made efforts for themselves, but we haven’t had a sema tawy like event. This is where I think the role of Pharaoh becomes both important and relevant to the situation as it stands.

We have our temples, we need a state. A set of institutional frameworks and serices/facilitiesto link our community together around it's aim of serving the gods, with that divine link at it's heart, providing the co-ordination, unity, focus and reason between disparate temple and a geographically fragmented community.

This is not something that can happen overnight. And I think it's important that before we even think about having such a potent figure, we must have the frameworks first, otherwise we will likely fail on the rocks of intrigue, drama and personality. There are several reasons for this.

* Without these frameworks, in attempting to build them such a leader would be in far too much an "earhtly" role. As has been said many times online, distance is everything. The role of our God - King (let' be honest, this is what we are talking about) would simply be unable to be effective if it came down to engaging in bickering over Access V Oracle for our database systems. Distance that makes such a role effective, and <i>apersonal</i> could only come by operating via that framework. As one of the rekhyet, I shouldn't go before Horus to ask if my mate can join the temple, nor any other trivia.

* With a lack of distance comes strong individualisation. This is bad for two reasons. 1) it generates a personality cult. A Frankfort points out, the role of Monarch is not about the individual. It is the court and institution that inspire awe, whilst individuals come and go, their traits mostly un-noticed. Horus is Pharaoh and Pharaoh is Horus. He may be called Ramesses , and Ramesses may well bring wonderful things to his work and be a great individual, but he is still Horus, and one day will be Osiris. It is this which can protect against cult of persoanlity. 2) Continuity. Horus becomes Osiris, and a new Horus appears. Life goes on. But if SEBASTIAN is Pharaoh and SEBASTIAN unites us and does great things, then one day SEBASTIAN goes west, what happens then without SEBASTIAN? This is why a framework and ritual are important, symbolism is important, the traiditons of the office are important, and the Royal ancestors are important. All fo these must be in place FIRST.

* Lack of tools. Even a Pharaoh can't do much without tools and levers to make things happen. These frameworks and institutions would serve as those tools. Tools that will work both ways.

Can I see it happening? Honestly, I don't know. I want it to. I think without something along these lines, I seriously suspect our religion, our service to the gods, will never reach it's full potential. If it does happen then we have years, <i>decades</i> of hard work ahead of us to put in place the blocks needed to construct the things we need to support such a great institution. A lot of burying of hatchets will be needed, and there will be losers as well as winners. If we don't, then we will all loose.

Just a quick post, but something important I'd like to get out there that I came accross online:

http://neutrois.0catch.com/

Perhaps something for the confused or unsure genderless to think about. I've often found it difficult to describe myself to others who "don't get it". So often we get "lumped in" with the transgendered. No, it's not that I have a different gender in my mind to my body, I don't have too many genders, I don't have any...

I've always used the term androgyne to describe it. Although it seems confusing there are difference between androgyne and neutrois. An androgyne essentially is "a bit of both" psychologically, whereas a neutrois is "nothing of either". Since people tend to categorise traits as either "male" or "female", I've used the term androgyne, since I have these traits, even though I personally don't consider them to have a gender value. Does my utter lack of ability to cook mean that aspect of me is "male"? Uh... no, but society deems it to be so. 

I'll write more on this later, but something for both me and you to chew on in the meantime :)

The end of term beckons... deadlines loom, and I owe essays, three of them. 26 days to go. OK let's not panic too much... What have I got? 

Choice of topics. Two down, one to go. The one that's left comes down to Amarna art or tomb features of an MK official. No contest! The MK official’s tomb features it is then. This is going to involve a lot of reading as most of my knowledge of MK tombs is pretty sketchy. New Kingdom private tombs, yea, I can hold my own. OK, no problem, I could go on all evening about mastaba layouts and decorative themes. MK... I could spit out a few pages of facts but gods know if I can call out the books on it for you, certainly not much in my own library on that. I suspect ZETOC will be my best friend this coming week....

OK what other tricks have I got? Well the other essay for this same lecturer is a piece on an NK temple, and I chose Medinet Habu. Chicago House, I love you! All the info you could want in volume after volume of meticulous publications.... Giant, folio sized, utterly un-scannable, un-photocopyable, crumbling, reference only volumes. Such is life!

Nonetheless, I got the required information from them, and some other good finds as well. Even better was that I managed to recover the photos that were stolen on my laptop from an old desktop PC stashed at my mothers house, so I also have some very useful photos , particularly of the first court colonnade and in the sanctuary of Ra – Horakhti. So, in hindsight, the loss of the mini-note wasn't too bad. I've managed to recover virtually all the files, and the essay lost I re-wrote and submitted, and got back a decent mark. 

So fingers crossed, but I hope the end of this (academic) year will be victorious for me. If my grades hold I'll have proved that I can do the work, and do it well. From a state school on a sink estate notable for absolutely no achievements except blowing money it didn't have on a sports centre whilst it's current affairs section in the library was almost 30 years behind "current" (it was the 1990's, and our books talked about the Arab oil embargo as a current event), I've shown I can hold my own against those from much better backgrounds than me. This coming year I have to submit my application to the Institute of Archaeology, and another step on the way... So on that note I shall no go back to a state of quiet panic about these damn essays.

In my wanderings around Birbeck's Malet Street building the other day, I discovered our aged campus does, in fact, boast unisex toilets... Wether or not it's due to the practicalites of the lack of space for seperate facilites or "Political Correctness Gone Mad" (as Daily Mail readers would no doubt say!) I have no idea. But, either way, it's rather good , and certain factions havn't been up in self-righteous arms about it!
 

2009 has had a very interesting introduction. A strong urge to eat has made me submit to the inevitable... the crappy weekend job. Honestly, I'd rather be getting on with uni work and associated stuff, but such is life. On the upside, I am a whole £90 a week better off. Fuckadoodledo! .

On the upside though it does mean I now have a bigger place, being promoted from one room in a share flat to having my very own "flatlet", which seems basically to mean a flat , except you share the kitchen, which means lots more space, and having a proper study/work room too. Sweet :-)

And of course the end of January "Great Snow" has come, which is novel for me. The last time I saw snow like this was as a 4 year old, so why not act like one again? Me and Tara decided to go out and have a mass snowball fight and get some pictures. There is a necropolis just a few streets away from here and it was absolutely beautiful in a dickensian kind of way, some pics to follow on that for sure. It really was a "winter wonderland", really thick snow on trees and bushes, thick white carpets on tehg round and snowmen everywhere. Even one who hates winter can see the cute factor in that ;-) 

Of course, being Britain, London was taken completely by surprise that snow may fall in winter (Oh noes! It's teh climate change, snow in winter in northern Europe!), and so the entire city was almost completely paralysed for two days (the only tube lines working properly, literally, were the Victoria Line, and only because it is entirely underground, and the W&C Line which is also underground, and also utterly useless because it only has two stations...) Three days on the snow is still on the ground, now compacted into lethal sheets of ice that the borough council seems determined to maintain for as long as possible. Assumeably A&E departments around here need extra work?!

Oh, and lovely new flat got burgled about a week after I moved in :( They stole my laptop, complete with work and 1,500 site photos from various temple sites in Upper Egypt and the Saqqara necropolis, which is a real hassle, as I was using some of them for a uni assignment. 

The upshot was a rushed essay I will get the grade back for today (MUST...PRAY...HARD...AND...MAKE...SHINY...GIFTS). Kindly relatives brought me a new Netbook class laptop. My old one was an HP mini-note which was lovely with the metal chassis, very tough, but the CPU was underpowered (and battery dying), so having the new Atom CPU design is nice, and Windows XP, which I am having to get used to for the first time. It's better than people say, I must admit. I thought it would be flaky after Win2k (which is truly rock solid, and replaced Vista - which wasn't - on the HP) but it's not bad, so I'm a happy enough convert. And if you don't have a netbook yet, get one! They are the best thing since the last best thing!

Totally unrelated to gender stuff, but perhaps very related to my life.

· I hate London because…. You can never afford a place of your own.
· I hate London because…. The areas you can afford are full of chavs and wannabe-“gangstas”
· I hate London because…. Everything good is always fully booked
· I hate London because…. The South Bank Centre
· I hate London because…. It’s population voted for Boris
· I love London because…. It’s the most culturally alive city in the UK (world?)
· I love London because…. It has the best of everything
· I love London because…. You never have to drive anywhere
· I love London because…. The South Bank Centre 

 

Next week, I start (again) at university. I’m actually returning to the hallowed halls of academia. I previously studied Computer Science in asia, but I’m through with IT as I find it uninteresting, and less rewarding than the hype, so now I am studying something I both 1) know something about and 2) have a genuine and passionate interest in, archaeology. Or, more specifically, Egyptian archaeology.

The only issue is that this particular world is an extremely small one, and many people with whom I hope to have good working relationships with over the coming years tend to think of me as definitively female. Whilst this isn’t I-feel-so-alienated-in-my-own-body-I-want-to-slash-my-wrists-and-die type emoesque depression, it is, shall we say, inconvenient. Although I can take or leave either gender assumption, given an ultimatum I’d rather be seen as a “pretty boy” guy than a “dykey tomboy” woman.

I wouldn’t say that I’m worried or particularly concerned about all this, to be honest I’m far more excited and looking forward to getting back to uni than anything else. However, it is a concern at the back of my mind, and I’m not sure how to approach it.

For the last five years, everyone has simply thought of me as definitively female. It’s something I’m hoping to change over the next six months or so, which in terms of the physical aspects of presentation will not be so hard, but I’m a little concerned as to how to deal with any questions that may or may not crop up, and whether or not it’ll adversely affect my chances in the future. Since androgynes are so invisible, I have no idea of what kind of attitudes I would face from those around me.

I do not envy those with a straight cut male or female gender, no self examination involved. I can not see myself like that, nor see myself even wanting to be like that. But it certainly would make life a lot more straightforward. But such are the ways of the gods. I’m sure one of them finds it amusing...


 

This blog is for purely personal posts, a study of my own gender, presentation, it's social implications and all that good stuff. I am an androgyne, essentially someone who is neither male nor female psychologically speaking. This is something of an issue in a society that is very keen to believe that the entire population fits into two convenient tick boxes, either male or female. Most people, including people who are transgendered, feel a psychological affinity with either the male or female areas of the gender spectrum, to varying degrees. That ones biological gender may be in conflict with these is, for this point, irrelevant. You still feel an affinity to one gender, for the non-trans person the same as their physical sex, for the trans person, the opposite one to their physical sex.


The androgyne does not. I don't regard myself as a male, have no wish to be a male, or be seen as one. And neither do I regard myself as female, have a wish to be a female, or be seen as one.


So what physical sex was I born with? I have no idea, as I seem to have had some surgery performed at a very young age. I was brought up as a male, then tried transitioning to female, before realising the whole thing was silly. Clearly, if I psychologically was so tied to either gender, I'd actually care about it, which I didn't. Rather, being regarded as either completely male or female was problematical.


So this blog will have my thoughts on this, and just follow my life in this regard as it unfolds...